


Introvert

by unsaved_joj



Category: Singer/Songwriter - Fandom
Genre: Angst/Comfort, M/M, Self Harm, Songfic, alcohol use, based off of introvert by rich brian featuring joji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 12:09:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16534295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_joj/pseuds/unsaved_joj
Summary: Joji can’t escape his demons. Brian worries.





	1. Chapter 1

Every time I go closer to the road  
Leaving my light

 

Joji didn’t know where he was driving to. The moonlight was casting faint beams across the dashboard of his car, cutting through the pitch black. The only other light came from his radio, which was turned on softly, an unusual sight. Car rides needed to be quiet for Joji. He had to think. It was a place inspiration stemmed from, watching the road pass in front of him. But, he didn’t want to think right now. That was actually the goal he was trying to achieve. Sadly, it wasn’t working very well.  
Joji glanced at his hands on the steering wheel. He was holding it so tightly his knuckles were bone white. His brown eyes flitted back to the road in front of him, headlights shining on the pothole covered street. A light rain was drumming over the roof of the car, drops against the windshield looking like small crystals. 

Joji just wanted to relax. That’s why he was driving, to get away from it all. Leave shit behind, and not in a drastic way. That’s why he was drinking before he left.

 

I just wanna know why I’m feelin’ so  
Lonely at night 

 

Joji hadn’t seen a single car on this venture. Maybe this was because it was 1:42 in the morning, and Joji was driving some dusty ass road in the middle of nowhere. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, only that he had to keep moving. Keep his thoughts at bay. They always managed to sneak in.  
‘Maybe you should have a cigarette,’ he thought to himself. ‘It might calm you down.’  
The thought was tempting, but the patch on Joji’s torso said otherwise. He didn’t want to give into more than one thing tonight. 

He took in a deep, shaky breath, one hand leaving the wheel to sneak toward his thigh. His fingernails pressed hard into his skin and he winced, swallowing hard.  
Stop fucking thinking.  
Joji knew in the back of his mind that driving wouldn’t help him at all. He couldn’t escape his own head, or that creeping anxiety that was making him so antsy.

 

It’s my fault, it’s my life 

 

Joji practically stepped on the break, veering to the side of the road. His brain felt like it was going to derail any fucking second. He parked the car and leaned back in his seat, hands going to his hair. His neck was burning, throat and head aching. Joji squeezed his eyes shut, feeling hot tears leaking through and falling down his cheeks. His right hand went to his thigh, pressing deep against his joggers to his skin. This position was one he didn’t want to be in. He was drunk but that wasn’t enough to distract him. Anxiety had gotten worse with the fame.

It sounded so fucking stupid but Joji sometimes felt like the loneliest person in the world. Even if he had close friends, that nagging feeling in the back of his skull would make him shut people out. Anxiety made him feel hated. And sure, people actually did hate him, but thinking a very close friend despises you hurts. Joji was finding it hard to breathe, the air feeling stuffy even though the AC was blasting.

 

I’m so cold, I’m so high  
Get it right

 

Joji gasped, feeling his shoulders start to shake. His free hand wiped at his eyes, which were starting to burn and redden. Crying sucked. Not being able to breathe sucked too. He was a hot mess.  
A loud buzzing sound made him shout, jumping back against his door. He opened his eyes, glancing down at his phone lying in the passenger seat, face down. Who’d be texting him now? He swallowed again, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He reached for his phone, the cold glass slightly relieving against his warm fingertips. Joji flipped it over, and was surprised to see who had texted him.

Brian. Thank fuck. 

Joji was worried it was someone that wasn’t relevant, someone who was blissfully ignorant to a cry for help over text. Joji didn’t want to complain about how fucked he was to other people, but seeing that Brian was awake made him want to shout every frustration he’d encountered. 

Brian: u up

Joji stared at the keyboard, chest still clogged with agitation, eyes blurring with fresh tears.  
‘You don’t deserve him.’ Joji thought to himself, hands shaking as he messily typed. 

Joji: brian  
Joji: i 

Joji couldn’t find how to word his issue. His thumbs hovered over the glass, a slight bout of nausea rising in his throat. He wanted to sob but he pressed it down, swallowing it along with other shit. Bubbles appeared momentarily, fading for a few seconds before returning.

Brian: lol what?

Brian was naive. Brian, whose jokes and reassuring words could make a hot day instantly cooler, melting away panic. It was the same Brian that told those anecdotes because he was oblivious to the dread in Joji’s mind. He didn’t know that Joji was fucked.  
‘Just give up now.’ His brain was saying. Stop texting. Drive away as far as you can go. Joji looked away from his phone, burning tears replacing the ones that had dried to his cheeks. 

 

I don’t care, but I fight

 

Brian: are you okay?

The hinting silence. Brian was finally onto something. Joji’s thumbs scattered.

Joji: fuck  
Joji: nno 

Brian’s response was seconds after, which made Joji’s chest thump and ache, even if he didn’t know why.

Brian: where are you?

Joji: idk  
Joji: some street  
Joji: I don’t know the name

Brian: u want me to get you or can u drive?

Joji: I can drive

Maybe he’d be okay. Maybe.

Brian: k. please be safe  
Brian: for me

Joji felt his chest clench again.

Joji: ok

Joji shut his phone off and set it down, blinking through the tears as he started up the car. That choking feeling wouldn’t leave him, but he’d power through. He had faith he could. He started driving again.

 

We don’t lose, we just ride  
Let it ride

 

Joji pulled up to Brian’s apartment building surprisingly sooner than he thought he would. It turned out he was closer than suspected, which he was thankful of. When he slowed down to enter the parking area, his eyes caught sight of a skinny figure at the entrance. Brian. Joji’s chest instantly loosened. The only downside was how scared Brian looked, huddled in his pink jean jacket, cradling a cigarette. His eyes watched the car, not Joji.  
When Joji parked and removed the key from the ignition, he took in a deep, cleansing breath, letting it out slowly. The regret of worrying Brian was gnawing at the back of his head. He grabbed his phone and shoved it in his hoodie pocket, exiting his car. 

Approaching, Brian’s expression was even clearer. He moved down the porch steps, tossing his cig in the ash tray. Joji stopped in front of him, pausing. He opened his mouth to speak when Brian moved forward, wrapping his arms around Joji. Joji blinked, his arms following suit. Brian smelled like cigarette smoke and wildflower, a welcoming scent. Joji always forgot about how sympathetic and warm Brian could be, but when faced with it, he was almost overwhelmed.  
His eyes suddenly started to sting, and he couldn’t help but grip Brian tighter, his biceps and shoulders shaking. Brian breathed.

“You’re okay now, Joji.” He said quietly, voice cracking.


	2. Rainy Mornings After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joji can’t remember the night before. Brian sleeps.

Drowsiness had made Joji’s eyelids heavy when he’d woken, leftover sleep driving them shut. He blinked a few times, slowly, light leaking in through some blinds in the window next to him. That window was familiar, but not his. He blinked once more and looked up. Brian’s house. It was funny how instant he realized. That’s when a slightly scary thought came to him. This is Brian’s bedroom. Why was he in here, and in Brian’s bed?  
When he mentally asked the question, an awareness came when he felt cold breath against his neck and the sudden warm weight of something around his torso. 

Fuck. Fuck. Holy fucking shit.

Joji started racking his brain for what had happened last night, his heartbeat beginning to race. He couldn’t stay here. Not after what he assumed he did. Joji swallowed, shutting his eyes and reaching up to rub the faint headache behind them. Brian’s breath was making goosebumps rise up in his skin, adding to his panic. Why couldn’t he remember anything? How drunk did he get last night?  
Joji swallowed before attempting to shuffle out of bed, hoping to make an escape before Brian woke up. 

He scooted further to the edge of the bed but was interrupted by an arm tightening around him and a leg tangling between his. Joji had a sneaking suspicion that Brian wouldn’t be letting him go anytime soon, and he was right. Joji sighed, closing his eyes. He really, really hoped that he hadn’t done anything with Brian last night.  
Brian grunted in his sleep, arm maintaining a strong hold on Joji. Honestly, Joji wouldn’t mind as long as it wasn’t under the circumstances he was thinking of.  
He sighed, closing his eyes. 

Joji’s attempts to go back to sleep were fruitless, as Brian moved a lot in his sleep and a storm had begun outside, rain drumming hard against the windows. Looking around the room, he couldn’t find his phone and he feared it was lost in his drunken night. Memories were slowly sifting back to him, but focusing on them too long didn’t help.

Brian continued to make noises in his slumber, kicking Joji and balling up his t-shirt. He’d also snore quite often, and Joji was glad that out of all the times they’d slept in the same bed, he always woke up last. The headache also wasn’t helping.  
Then, after what seemed like an hour, he heard Brian start to stir behind him, his mumblings beginning to subside.  
Joji cleared his throat and heard a grunt behind him.  
“J-Joji?” Brian’s deep, gravelly voice tickled Joji’s throat, breath cold against his pale skin. Joji shivered, feeling a shock up his spine. Joji debated pretending to be asleep before realizing how mean that would be, and turned, Brian’s arm still not moving.

“Hey.” Joji said, voice more hoarse than he suspected. Brian’s face had some red marks on it from sleep, his hair mussed. His eyes were just barely open, brow knit in slight confusion.  
“I thought you would’ve left.” Brian muttered, barely intelligible in his sleepy voice. Joji swallowed.  
“Why would I leave?” Joji asked with a smirk, ignoring how he wanted to immediately get out earlier. Brian moved his hand up to rub his face, Joji feeling slight worry when he felt the warmth leave his torso. 

“What time is it?” Brian asked. Joji shrugged.  
“I have no idea where my phone went. I actually have no idea what happened last night.” Joji spoke. Brian raised an eyebrow.  
“You don’t?” He was suddenly very awake.  
“No.”  
Brian blinked a few more times before propping himself up on an elbow.  
“We didn’t fuck, if that’s what you were thinking.” Brian said, flat out. Joji felt a light blush come to his cheeks. Thank God. 

“You just...I texted you and you weren’t good.” Brian said, looking to another corner of the room. Joji blinked. The memories were practically flooding back to him now.

-

Brian felt that Joji really wasn’t going to let go of him easily. He could feel the older boy shaking, his fingers digging into the fabric of Brian’s jacket. Brian didn’t know what to do. He didn’t exactly handle emotions very well. His hand glided across Joji’s back slowly, hoping to apply some reassurance. Joji just shuddered, the smell of alcohol on him, along with cigarettes and ramen. Brian didn’t care if people drank but Joji was driving. And he wasn’t emotionally stable. 

Brian didn’t know if he should start speaking or let Joji cry just a bit longer. He looked over Joji’s shoulder at their surroundings, the streetlights barely giving any light to the parking area. A stray cat bounded through the bushes surrounding the apartment. Joji wasn’t making any noise but Brian could feel hot tears on his neck and shoulder. Poor guy.  
“Hey...You wanna go inside?” Brian asked. Joji didn’t answer, but Brian felt him nod against his neck.

“Okay.” Brian broke apart, feeling dread in his chest when he saw Joji’s puffy red eyes and mussed hair. As he turned to go inside, Brian felt a soft hand grab his. He moved his head to see Joji grabbing his hand, eyes unfocused to the distance.  
Brian just nodded, leading him to the door. They traversed inside and up some floors until they’d gotten to his front door, going inside. It was slightly messy, with jackets strewn about and a keyboard underneath the window.  
Succulents lined each windowsill, and the apartment was practically pitch black except for streetlights shining some light through. Joji was still holding Brian’s hand by the time they’d arrived. 

“Try not to trip.” Brian said in the dark, closing the door and locking it. He lead Joji, who was very quiet and solemn, to the bedroom.  
“You can sleep here. I don’t care about sleeping on the couch.” Brian said. Joji nodded slowly, his hand slowly and reluctantly leaving Brian’s. He sat on the edge of the bed, slipping off his boots.  
Brian just awkwardly observed him, keeping watch in case something bad happened.  
Joji pulled off his hoodie, removed the sheets, and climbed into bed. He took in one deep breath before exhaling slowly into a deep sleep. Brian guessed he didn’t really feel like talking. 

He removed his jean jacket, throwing it across a chair along with his shoes and jeans. Brian took off his shirt and replaced it with one Joji had left behind, his Guess Jeans tee. Joji probably wouldn’t care if he wore it. Brian went to leave, hand gripping the doorframe, when he turned. He could faintly see Joji moving in the dark, the sheets rising and falling. Brian didn’t want him to be alone. He traversed to the bed and climbed underneath the sheets, absentmindedly throwing his arm over Joji’s torso before he closed his eyes.

 

-

 

“Now I remember.” Joji said quietly. He sat up a bit, fiddling with the ring on his pinkie finger. Silence wasn’t uncomfortable with Joji, but it was now. The rain was still thundering down outside, filling up the quiet.  
“You scared the shit out of me.” Brian mumbled. “I never panic about shit, but...” He trailed off. Joji looked over at him and saw that his hands were lightly shaking.  
“Sorry.”  
“You’re fine.” 

Joji looked over again before scooting closer, draping an arm around Brian. Brian looked up at him, confused, before relaxing.  
“We should get breakfast. I’m hungry as fuck.” Joji said.  
“Aren’t you hungover?” Brian asked. Joji shrugged.  
“A little. Doesn’t matter. It’s my apology for last night.”  
“You don’t need to-“

“Brian. I want to.” Joji said, looking down at him. They stared at each other for a moment.  
“Where are you thinking?” Joji asked.  
“Denny’s. That’s some good shit.”  
“I thought you liked IHOP?”  
“I ain’t eating there when it’s called IHOB. No way.”  
Joji laughed, and Brian smiled with him.  
“Okay.” There was more silence, but this time, it was relaxed. Joji finally felt okay for the first time in weeks; being alone with Brian, in the quiet, rainy apartment, free of anxiety. Last night was awful, but today was a new day. One that would hopefully have less alcohol and unnecessary panic. Joji felt himself leaning against Brian’s shoulder, eyes closing. 

“You wanna take a nap first?” Brian asked him, head resting against Joji’s. Joji muttered a ‘yes’, not sure if it actually sounded like English. Brian seemed to understand as he nodded too, and all Joji could hear was him breathing. Joji took in a deep breath before letting his muscles relax, drifting off into a calm sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally posted!!! Yay! Please leave feedback everybody!’

**Author's Note:**

> hope y’all enjoyed :))))


End file.
